i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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