I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you had me at cake vodka
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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