I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
