who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize