Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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