yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
