her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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