Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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