never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
