I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We're too hungover to prance.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
