you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
