are you so shy because you have an std?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
