she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
