I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
