please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
