I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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