lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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