I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
