Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
