well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
