Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
