there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
