i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
