I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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