meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
