I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize