Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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