I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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