Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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