Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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