After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
