just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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