There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
