If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
