It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
