Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
