so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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