You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
