The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
