So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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