I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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