so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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