Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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