What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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