I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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