One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize