white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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