so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
