I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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