I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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