The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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