Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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