Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
