Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My feet surprised me
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