mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
