I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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