Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
