Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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