I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize