plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize