her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
